Mustard Seed.

"You are my strength when i am weak,
You are the treasure that i seek,
You are my all in all,
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord to give up, i'll be a fool,
You are my all in all...."

Taken from All in All by Dennis Jernigan

All in All - That’s one of the songs that Oliver chose when he led worship during the Youth Combined meeting couple of weeks back. Well, many found it hard to swallow the fact that he worship led (i swore i saw a pig flew by! HAHAHA!~) Kiddish song, but as long as the people have the right attitude of worship and serving God, what song you sing doesn't matter. It's the heart of worship that counts. Click HERE for more on what Oliver has to say about his experience.

Oliver, good job!

But there's a reason why i'm typing this entry with such a beginning - i'm running low on faith, as it seeps out little by little.

Too many things have been put on my shoulders, and it's taking a toll on my, physically, mentally and spiritually.

Last Friday, despite having the new members around, i failed to manage the bring the cell group into having a proper discussion. I guess when we're doing the same lackluster routine day in and day out, we too mundane.

In other words, bored; as there isn’t much change going around. I smell decay somewhere (and it’s not from under the sink of Oliver’s house) But still, without change, we can’t go anywhere. Change is good!

A couple of week’s time i maybe relieved of my post as Assistant Homegroup Leader. Reason being i don’t agree with taking up a job where you do not or can’t use half of the supposed responsibilities given. It’s no different that being a puppet in a parade.

I don’t feel like taking up leadership in the youth group, but I would still be around guiding the other younger ones.

In this juncture of confusion and doubt, I really would want a faith of a child -innocent, naive and carefree of problems and responsiblities weighing down adults.

I know of primary school kids as young as 11, being rebellious when being pushed to strive well in studies. Pressure in small, controlled amounts is good to ensure things get moving. I guess anyone would do better if their not over-pressured by parents, or other people for that matter.

If i were to keep talking about my darn problems, i guess some would just feel as depress as i am (or worse) and would decide to jump off a five-storey building. Thus, i shall stop my rantings here.

No matter what happens, i want to keep my faith (and perhaps, sanity) intact. But like the refining process of putting gold into fire, i want to emerge a better person through all these circumstances, even when my faith is as tiny as a mustard seed.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Matthew 17:20, NIV

"...Sometimes, when I feel miles away
and my eyes can't see your face
I wonder if I've grown to lose the
recklessness I walked in light of you

They say that I can move the mountains
And send them crashing to the sea
They say that I can walk on water
If I would follow and believe
with faith like a child..."

Excerpt from Jars of Clay's Like A Child

Love & Peace!~

BC?